Love is natural.
But, life can still be lonely. Sometimes love and romance are painfully absent, and for a long time.
I know. I have been there.
Loneliness kills. And there is no reason to be alone, when you have literally billions of amazing and beautiful people sharing your planet.
The principles of social dynamics will make you naturally attract women. Sounds good? Let’s jump right in…
The media influences us. That is a fact.
We learn about romantic relationships from the movies, radio, advertising and the people around us.
Ever since our very first crush, we’ve had misconceptions and limiting beliefs about how romantic relationships work.
Here are the 5 misconceptions that are stopping you from dating success.
Misconception 1: Women Respond to Money & Looks
There is a small percentage of women, who are turned on by financial power. You probably don’t want to be dating them anyway.
For most women, money won’t help. Making lots of money and improving your external circumstances is awesome. But please do it for yourself, and not for the women.
Just to be clear, there are rich guys who are dating amazing women. But you don’t need to wait to become rich – you can have success with women now.
Looks, are also not important (phew!). But grooming is.
Do the most with what you have and, surprisingly, that will be enough. Convey style and sexuality in your appearance.
Getting rid of these misconceptions is super tough. Because, your mind is probably thinking of every good looking/ rich guy you know, who is great with women.
But if you try, you can also find examples of average guys who are phenomenal with women. I promise you they exist.
Don’t Be Like Bill: Bill believes that women respond to looks and money. Since he has neither, he decides to do nothing.
Misconception 2: You Need a Particular Woman
Let’s say a woman likes you.
And she is the only one to have liked you in a while. So if she leaves, it will be a long time before you get someone else.
This will make you – needy, jealous and scared. These are very unattractive qualities.
Let’s be real. We live in mega-cities with millions of people. There is definitely, more than one woman who would find you attractive.
Don’t Be Like Bill: Bill obsesses over his ex, because they had a special connection. Surely he cannot recreate those emotions, with any other person. Hence, Bill’s life is a tragedy.
Misconception 3: We’ll Be Friends First
Having female friends is great.
But don’t try to be friends, while secretly hoping that you will end up in a relationship. Be honest about your intentions and expectations.
Don’t Be Like Bill: Bill listens to her crib for hours about her boyfriend and keeps saying, ‘He’s a jerk. I would never treat women like that.’ All the while hoping she has an epiphany and starts dating the nice guy (Bill).
Misconception 4: Women Have Higher Value Than You
It is important to treat women with respect and as fellow human beings.
But, it is unnecessary to think that beautiful women have higher value than you. There is no need to put anyone, either a man or woman, on a pedestal.
Don’t Be Like Bill: Bill believes that every beautiful woman is better than he is. He needs to treat her differently from how he treats his friends. He would need to do something spectacular to deserve her.
Misconception 5: You Can Logically Persuade A Woman
Women live in the emotion of the moment. They respond to your vibe and how you make them feel around you.
The key word is emotion (not logic). Don’t try to logically explain the life she will have with you. Change her mood not her mind.
Don’t Be Like Bill: Bill decides to take the sales approach. He lists all the benefits of being with him – the big house, new car, gifts and his caring personality.
A New Reality
Now that we have left our old ways of thinking, we need better ways to understand our romantic relationships.
Men are visual – they judge women based on how they look. Men are like light switches (they can get turned on instantly).
Women are behavioural – they judge men based on their personality. Women are like volume knobs (they get attracted in degrees and over time).
A woman’s attractiveness is static (her appearance does not change within seconds).
A man’s attractiveness is not static (his behaviour can change from second to second).
The bottom line, is that women are attracted to your personality – confidence, eye contact, vocal tonality, humour, charisma and so on.
You can develop these traits. Social dynamics is a skill.
It is just like learning a new sport or an instrument. It takes dedication and time.
Sadly, there is no quick fix – you need to become a better man, inside and out. We’ll go over the secrets to both:
Inner Transformation (the mindset of an attractive man)
Outer Transformation (the behaviours of an attractive man)
Inner Transformation is all about you.
It is a journey to self-esteem and authenticity. You can start your journey today, with these principles.
Simply put, Presence is about putting your focus on the present moment – to be outside your head.
Social interactions are fun and dynamic. They deserve your attention, so don’t be lost in your own thoughts.
This is how you feel when you are outside your head:
- You are enjoying yourself.
- You take things as they come.
- You expect everyone to be your friend.
- You are detached from the outcome of the social interaction.
Bottom line: Put your focus on the present moment and step out of your head.
A simple truth: Being Unreactive is attractive.
It means, not worrying what other people think of you. You don’t need anyone’s approval and you act through your own intentions.
Think about it – In any social situation, one person is reacting more than the other person is to them.
As a man, you need to be the one taking the lead, and acting. Not reacting to the girl.
This is what reacting to a woman feels like (please don’t do this):
- Your natural personality is being affected by her.
- Her responses are impacting how you feel about yourself.
- You focus your attention exclusively on her, ignoring other people in the room.
- You are careful about taking up her space and time (Is this the best time to call?)
Bottom line: Be Unreactive and don’t care what other people think of you.
Confidence is sexy.
We all know the feeling. It lets you move through the world with ease.
Confidence, magically gives you all the other attractive characteristics (humour, dominance, charisma, standing out, etc).
Most guys have Situational Confidence. It comes from your social situation, e.g. when you are the host of the house-party, you probably have rockstar confidence.
Situational Confidence can feel amazing. But you don’t always have it – it is based on external circumstances.
Core Confidence on the other hand, is yours forever. It is an unshakeable confidence that comes from knowing who you are.
Here is what Core Confidence feels like:
- You trust yourself to get by in any situation.
- You value your own opinion of yourself (more highly than the opinions of others).
- You know you offer real value (even if other people don’t acknowledge it)
- Your acceptance in any particular situation, is not a threat to your wellbeing.
Bottom line: Know yourself and have Core Confidence.
Sense of Reality
We all live in our own realities.
Our reality is a combination of our values, our tastes, our opinions, our sense of humour…
When you are interacting with women, it might be tempting to adopt their reality. Instead bring women into your reality.
If you are crazy about chess, then by all means, talk about chess! Don’t lose your concept of what is cool.
Don’t change the way you normally talk. Instead, set the tone of the conversation.
That’s what girls mean when they say – Just be yourself. They want to experience your reality and see who you are.
An attractive woman, is going to be invited into the realities of several men. She will choose the one that is compelling and where she gets the most good emotions.
Bottom line: Be centered in your own reality.
We’ve covered the timeless principles of Inner Transformation – Presence, Unreactiveness, Core Confidence and having a strong Sense of Reality.
Together they create the mindset of a high value man. And women have evolved to find them attractive.
Outer Transformation is the fun stuff.
It is about how you communicate with the world. If Inner Transformation is about shaping yourself into the ideal lover, Outer Transformation brings the woman into the picture.
Outer Transformation, is the behaviours that let her know that you are a high value man. It is all about how you present yourself in social situations.
It goes beyond the words that are coming out of your mouth. Outer Transformation looks at the subcommunication, or vibe, of the interaction.
If you don’t have good eye contact, it’s game over.
Eye Contact is about being able to hold a woman’s gaze (without being creepy). If you don’t have strong eye contact, you will end up looking awkward and nervous.
Please, don’t overdo it. Holding eye contact with no breaks will make you look like a psychopath.
Try to hold eye contact when the girl is doing the talking. It is natural to break the eye contact, when it is your turn to speak.
Vocal Tonality refers to your mode of communication.
We have 3 of them.
- Trying-for-Rapport Tonality
- Neutral Tonality
- Breaking-Rapport Tonality
I bet you’ve never thought about this before, but Tonality is an indicator of social value. People have auto-pilot responses to each Tonality.
Trying-for-Rapport Tonality is when your voice slopes up. It is unnatural and should never be used.
Breaking-Rapport Tonality, is probably what your boss uses. It curves down. Check out what the 3 Tonalities sound like in this video.
Women do not explode on being hugged.
It’s surprising, I know. But people love being touched – psychologists call it our first language. Babies are fluent in it.
Touch doesn’t have to be sexual. It can be friendly and fun.
- A simple handshake
- A friendly high five
- A tap on the shoulder
- A quick hug
Use the power of touch for more positive interactions – with your friends, family and girlfriends.
This is old news, but your body language communicates confidence.
You are constantly sending signals about your internal state through your body. Sadly, spending hours at our desks hasn’t been kind to our posture.
You can start fixing it right away.
- Relax your face and shoulders
- Stand tall
- Lift your chest up
- Keep your feet comfortably apart
- Never cross your hands in front of your chest
- Don’t lean in while talking
And don’t forget to smile. Be relaxed and move through the world with ease. Women will notice, I promise.
To recap – Your Outer Transformation is about your Eye Contact, Tonality, Touch and Posture.
Over To You…
You have a vision of the man you want to be. Don’t walk away from it.
If I had to condense all these concepts into one sentence, it would be this – Like and respect yourself.
And I’m interested in hearing your thoughts. What is the best dating advice you ever got?