How to Talk to Girls: 7 Fundamentals for Shy Guys

How to talk to girls

Your mind is blank…

There she stands, smiling at you. Looking so perfectly cute. And all you can say is nothing.

But don’t worry just yet. Many great men have run out of things to say to beautiful girls. We can fix this.

Here are the 7 fundamentals from Social Dynamics, to make you a talker instantly.

1. No Resume Exchange

A beautiful girl has guys starting conversations all the time.

Most of those conversations go like this, “What’s your name? What do you do? Where are you from?” Those interactions are very predictable and emotionally flat.

Women live in the emotion of the moment. You want to have fun and playful conversations. Try to spike her emotions and set yourself apart from everyone else.

Bottom line: Be fun/ playful. Not predictable.

2. Questions & Statements

A conversation has 2 elements: Questions and Statements.  

Use a mix of both. Do not ask a girl question after question—that would feel like an interview.

Statements, on the other hand, are observations about the environment or your life. But don’t throw statement after statement at the girl – that would make it unrelatable for her. More like you were giving a speech.

Bottom line: Use a mix of statements and questions.

3. Focus on Sub-Communication

Some rather strange news: A girl will feel the emotions, that you are feeling while talking to her.

Focus on Subcommunication

If you are feeling nervous, it will make her uncomfortable too. If you are feeling relaxed, she will feel comfortable.

Sub-communication is the emotions underneath the surface layer of words. And it is all about the emotions.

At work, your conversations are very logical. But that is not how social interactions work. Focus on the vibe of the interactions—smile and have fun.

I know what you are thinking—James Bond doesn’t smile. But until you are jumping out of planes and killing people, smiling is an important part of this.

Bottom line: It is not what you say, but how you say it.

4. Lower The Bar

There is no universal list of cool things to talk about.

Lower the bar for what you consider a good conversation. Have zero filters inside your mind. You can talk about anything, just stay away from the resume style questions.

What is truly cool, is to freely express your personality.

Bottom line: What you have to say is valuable, because it comes from you.

5. Don’t Think Ahead

Imagine your young niece.

You are confident and relaxed while talking to a child. But somehow, you manage to mess things up when talking to beautiful girls.

That is because you place too much value on those conversations. You go inside your head and think of what to say next… how to keep the conversation going… would she like this joke?…  

Trust yourself and melt into the moment.

Bottom line: Put your focus on the present moment and step out of your head.

6. Deep vs Wide Rapport

Deep Rapport, is talking a lot about one topic. Wide Rapport, is talking about anything and everything.

To prevent the conversation from getting too logical, you want to stay away from Deep Rapport. Socializing is not an opportunity to impress girls with your knowledge.

Shoot for Wide Rapport. Focus on building a fun vibe.

Bottom line: Talk about a million different topics.

7. Get Her to Contribute

Your job is not to be entertaining.

It is to be interesting. It is fair to expect the girl to contribute to the conversation.

If you have followed these fundamentals of social dynamics, and she still isn’t making an effort to keep the conversation going—time to walk away.  

Not everyone is going to like you. And that’s okay. Or she may have a lot on her mind right now. Maybe she just had a bad day. (Understanding girls is a confusing business!)

Don’t make this about your ego. Whether a girl likes you or not, does not determine your value as a person.

Bottom line: You have the right to walk away.

Over to You…

You now know the 7 fundamentals of talking to girls. You know that absolute cutie who always smiles at you.

The next step is, you know, to talk. Take a deep breath and do it. Do it today.

(If you liked these concepts, you can learn a lot more about social dynamics from Real Social Dynamics’ Foundations)

Quick question—Have you ever been shy around women?

FEAR HOLDING YOU BACK?

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  • Kumi Das says:

    You are writing so well. Really informative and interesting.

  • Suraj says:

    Very well written 🙂

  • Hi, I'm Pritam.

    Pritam Author

    Life hasn’t always been easy but I like finding solutions. I have read 100s of books on personal development – and I’m sharing the best ideas with you.

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